posted by meowser
Fillyjonk’s post about how nice it is to have a group of girlfriends who can talk about clothes and exercise — or hell, anything — without it degenerating into a giant pile of “I have to lose XX pounds” this and “obesity epidemic” that — just made me all kinds of rainy-day sad. Because I don’t have a group of friends like that IRL, and I want one SO MUCH.
OK, I don’t lack friends entirely. Heck, even my XH is friendly with me. We even do stuff sometimes. I have some very nice neighbors and acquaintances. I even have some “real” friends who are just super-busy with other things (caring for sick parents out of town and so forth) who I just don’t get to see that often. And friends scattered throughout the country who I get to see and have fun with when I’m in their town or they’re in mine. But a group of girlfriends in town who I can talk to about anything, who I feel totally safe with, who aren’t going to sandbag every conversation with Fat Bad talk? I can only dream.
Granted, I’m an unusual case even without being an unrepentant fatass. I telecommute and have for most of the 2-1/2 years I’ve lived in Portland. And as it is I am probably severely underemployed for my level of skill, which means that even when I do go out to work I am largely overlooked or thought of as a weirdo (don’t believe it for a minute when you hear that everyone here is eccentric, it’s absolutely false). I also don’t have children, which is the way most women in their 40s seem to bond with other women. Nor do I drink much or smoke pot, which seem to practically be social requirements here if you are not a member of the soccer-mom set, but which just don’t seem to agree with me. Aaaaand to top it all off, I am just discovering that I have Asperger traits, which doesn’t make me dangerous or anything, just somewhat assbackwards socially at times. It doesn’t seem to be any accident that I met my current boyfriend, my XH, and at least one other serious boyfriend through personals ads. People have an easier time, it seems, “getting” me through writing than through speech, eye contact, body language, etc. (I often half-joke that the reason I write is because I can’t talk, but seriously, being able to edit my thoughts before they’re made public, is fahkineleet.)
Which means that I might actually have a more difficult time than most people who want to forge no-diet-talk friendships. It’s entirely possible that I might come across as somewhat of a martinet when I talk about this stuff, because it really is triggering for me. So maybe those of you with better developed social skill sets than mine (that would be most of you, probably) can help me out here. How do you, or have you, made these kinds of close friends who live in town during the course of your adulthood, and/or learned to be more forgiving of people who “aren’t there yet” in terms of size acceptance?
Because truly, this is driving me batty. I keep thinking maybe I need to smoke pot anyway even if it means I forget my name or trip over my own feet for a week afterwards, just so I won’t be rejected as a narc. (If you smoke it, fine; I just don’t want to, or have the smell hanging around my house.) I keep thinking maybe I need to move to Chicago, where so many cool fat people I know reside (probably a more realistic goal than becoming a pothead, actually). But PDX is home of Fat Girl Speaks and yes, a haven for nonconformists even if we don’t necessarily dominate the culture, and in theory it shouldn’t be that difficult for me to cultivate a loving circle of fat-friendly friends. But in practice, it may well be true that I simply don’t know how to broach the subject live and in person without being All Weird About It. So if you know how not to be All Weird About It, or how to be All Weird About It and like it, please do share.
In the meantime, if you’re anywhere near Portland, or plan to be, please do look me up if you have the urge (e-addy is in my “About” tag). I don’t bite, honest, except for actual comestibles.