The Temperance Union Lives, Only Now It’s Obsessed With Fat

meowser-48.jpg posted by meowser

Update 4/10/08: Now cross-posted to Shakesville. W00t!

Second update/erratum: It has come to my attention that the boats in It’s a Small World actually date from the 1964-65 World’s Fair, not from Disneyland’s opening in 1955. Please see addendum later in the post.

Dude, I am so not giving Newuniversity.org and that hideous, disgusting article by Kevin Pease, “a third-year psychology and social behavior major” about what a senseless tragedy it is that Disneyland is making the seats bigger in It’s a Small Seat — er, World — any link love. So lemme instead direct you to the most excellent takedowns by Paul at Big Fat Blog and Lindsay at BABble, and if you must click from there, go for it. But I don’t recommend it if you’re eating. I mean, eating anything ever. Because you’re not ever supposed to, fatass, Kevin says so, and he’s gonna be a hotshot shrink in a few years, which automatically makes him the rightest.

Kevin doesn’t actually know any fat people personally. I mean, ew, right? Everyone knows about the fat cooties thing, so he’s not gonna mess with that. But being a future shrink he can divine all our thoughts with a single glance, and he knows, just knows, that we haven’t earned the privilege of having seats that accommodate our capacious pantaloons on one single ride in a park complex that has almost a hundred rides all together, because we haven’t, not a one of us, ever even thought about trying hard enough to slim down, much less ever had any authority figures in our lives try to force or coerce us to. Nope. Never happened.

Take blind people. They are given special accommodations whenever possible in order to make their lives easier. Obese men and women want to be treated the same way. This claim is ludicrous, especially when you consider that obesity is a fixable condition. It may not be easy, but if a blind man were told he would no longer be blind if he ate his fruits and vegetables while exercising four times a week, he would do it.

Oh ho ho! Behold the sound of millions — nay, billions — of fat asses put simultaneously in their lowly little places! Only I think there were a few typos in that last sentence. Try this:

“It may not be easy, but if a blind man were told he would no longer be blind if he ate nothing but 800 calories or less of non-starchy fruits and vegetables and worked out hard for 3 or 4 hours every single day without fail for the rest of his life…uh…”

Yeah. Much better. You’re welcome, Kevin.

And of course, slimness will lose its magical appeal altogether if amusement parks keep enabling us. I mean, the insanity of it. You ask for a churro, you hand them money, and they actually give it to you. They don’t even take a waist-hip measurement for the privilege. (At least not until the next President cracks down on that sort of thing, of course.) Before you know it, Beth Ditto will be hosting the Grammy Awards, and maybe even running for President and winning. (At which point churros may be had again by all.) You’d think they actually wanted to make money or something and had some knowledge of their customers’ bases…er, customer base. See, he’s even got me doing it!

Look, dude, I used to live in north Orange County. A lot of locals visit the Diz regularly using something called an Annual Passport. Some people even get them for free or at discount through their jobs, but they range from $259 to $379, depending on whether parking is included and/or whether you’re allowed in on the blackout dates, and both the main Disneyland Park and California Adventure are covered. A single-day admission to either park is $56 $66 ($56 for ages 3 through 9), so if you go six times in a year — and many locals go far more often than that — it’s worth it. And 32.9 percent of Orange County’s entire population is Latino, with a much higher concentration of Latinos in north county, which was not the case back when the park (and It’s A Small Buttock — handsmack! I mean World!) opened, when both the park and the surrounding neighborhoods were pretty much All White All The Time. (Although the park was never officially segregated, it was, in its infancy, a place where anyone who was the tiniest bit “different” from the Middle American WASP ideal was not exactly made to feel welcome, and even white men having facial hair of any kind or head hair that was “too long” were refused entry.) Not to mention the fact that amusement park rides back then were considered to be pretty much exclusively for kids. White kids, that is.

So now you have not only more adults riding the rides, but more people of color, in addition to the fact that more fat people of all ages and races can actually find clothing in their sizes and bring themselves to put it on and leave the house, ZOMG. That being considered, it’s a wonder that they’ve felt the need to only rejigger one of the original rides still left from its opening to fit bigger asses. (My own ass, 49 inches at its maximum, found the seats in all the rides there plenty comfortable; although I can understand why someone a bit larger than myself might find it something of a tight squeeze, it’s still about the only amusement park I’d even consider worth the money in terms of the percentage of ride seats I’d fit into.)

(Addendum: I just checked out the Miceage link where the ride modification was first described (trigger warning: not a fat-friendly link). It says the IASW boats and flumes actually date from the 1964-65 World’s Fair, not from the park’s opening in 1955. It also says the size of the boats is not changing at all, only their buoyancy and the depth of the flumes, further lending credence to my “more adults riding the rides, not more fatties, was the reason for the modification” theory. And Orange County’s demographics were still lily-white in 1965, so my basic points above still stand.

If you want to see what the boats actually look like, the link does have pictures that show that unlike most Disney rides this one has bench seating, hence is already pretty girth-accommodating. But if one Giant Fatty takes over a whole row of a boat, that means that two slimmer people wouldn’t be sitting there instead. One 175-pound man plus one 135-pound woman weigh more than one 300-pound bench-hogging fatty, so if your goal is to prevent the boats from sinking, you WANT more and bigger fatasses on the ride, do you not?)

But even that much accommodation is too much for poor Kevin’s broken little brain. Kevin probably has never even talked to a fat person, ever. How could we expect such consideration, when we all have Cheetos in our ears and couldn’t possibly hear him? But having such mindnumbing mindreading abilities, he is able to give us this:

[T]he obese community wants us all to believe that if someone is obese, we should treat it as a disability.

No, Kevin, I don’t want to be treated like I’m “disabled” simply because of my weight. I mean, gah, isn’t damn near the entire point of these blogs to get people to understand that a) fat people aren’t necessarily physically limited in what they can do, and b) those fat people who do have disabilities are not so because of their weight?

You, Kevvy-boy, were obviously nursing a wicked hangover the day the prof talked about social handicap versus physical handicap, since thin people are allowed to have vices, so let me give you the refresher you so desperately need. Let’s say you, Kevin, had feet that were much, much larger than the average man’s feet. Let’s say these feet were big enough that no shoe manufacturer made shoes or socks to fit you, and that your only option was to have shoes custom made that cost $500 a pop and socks hand-knitted for $50 a pair. Let’s say you didn’t have $500 to spend on a pair of shoes and $50 to spend on socks. Are your big feet a physical handicap? No, you can walk around in them just fine. But are they a social handicap? . Now, let’s say that all of a sudden there was an influx of men who had feet just as big as yours, because the potato famine ended and they dared to finish all their french fries (gasp!), and they are actually having the guff to go into Foot Locker and ask for size 20 Air Jordans. Now there is what you econ prof called a “market” for larger-sized shoes. If Nike doesn’t consider it worth their while to make Air Jordans in a size 20, but some other shoe manufacturer makes shoes that size that are just as comfy and only cost $50, and matching socks for a mere $5 a pair, are they doing so to “encourage” the wanton consumption of fries, or are they just acknowledging a certain amount of human variation that could make them a few bucks since absolutely nobody else is acknowledging it? The essay question’s worth 50 points, Kev, so take your time. Take lots of it. Hangovers are nasty.

I just scratch my head to the point of drawing blood whenever these hatebags insist that acceptance has to be a zero-sum game when it comes to weight. If it’s okay to be fat, it must ipso facto means that thinnesss must be hated. It reminds me of all the people who used to ask me, as a teenaged feminist, “But why do you hate men?” Like, why don’t I stop setting my neighbors’ cars on fire? I hate when I do that.

I can just picture Dr. Kevin’s future sessions with his oh-so-lucky patients.

“But I DO exercise 4 or more times a week and eat plenty of fruits and veggies.”

“No, you don’t, fatass, you’re lying.”

“It’s true that I eat other things besides fruits and veggies, but you know, I kind of HAVE to to stay alive.”

“No, you don’t. All the nutrition you ever will need in your life is stored in your fat ass. You don’t need anything but veggies until you’re thin, and that’s just to fill your greedy stomach.”

“Besides, if a blind person had to go on a radical diet for the rest of his/her life trying not to be blind, the way I’d have to in order to stop being fat at you — i.e. go WAY beyond moderate healthy changes in diet and exercise habits into being CONSTANTLY hungry and exhausted, working out 4 hours a day on 800 calories or less, every single day — you wouldn’t tell them they were obligated to do that in order to be accepted, would you?”

“Yes, I would, if blind people were over half the population.”

“Oh, I get it. People who are ‘different’ are cute little accessories as long as there aren’t too many of them. But if they outnumber the likes of you, then they suck. Right?”

“You’re just pissed because nobody wants to fuck you, you ugly fat bitch.”

Ayup. Pass the baby-flavored churros.

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15 Responses to “The Temperance Union Lives, Only Now It’s Obsessed With Fat”

  1. Jon Says:

    LOL at the baby flavored churros. :p

    Great post.

  2. wriggles Says:

    He’s young and studying psychology, why aren’t his errors radical, exciting, outrageous?

    Why is his ignorance so utterly predictable and dumb, I hope he’s one of those people that starts off as an arse and becomes a delightfully humble and enlightened person as he matures, I have my doubts though.

  3. Rachel Says:

    You don’t even begin taking real psychology courses until your third year. The first two years are filled with prerequisites and silly survey classes. He might mature and gain some fucking tact in the process, but somehow I doubt it. There are plenty of people with medical degrees who would probably agree with him.

  4. kateharding Says:

    Have I told you lately that I love you, Meowser?

  5. Rio Iriri Says:

    Damn, you’re good.

  6. BigLiberty Says:

    “Hatebags.” LOL

    Brilliant, meowzer, and so well-written. And *this* guy is the one getting published? What morbid irony.

  7. KarenElhyam Says:

    “Oh, I get it. People who are ‘different’ are cute little accessories as long as there aren’t too many of them. But if they outnumber the likes of you, then they suck. Right?”

    Spot fucking ON. That’s exactly right.

    I have to wonder what Mr. Kevin would do if he met a blind fat person? I have to say, the resulting cognitive dissonance (after all, blind people are all good, moral people who would scrape and crawl in order to once again be normal and acceptable, and fat people are all just lazy, stupid slobs) might be explosive enough to motivate me to try and make that meeting possible.

  8. javamama Says:

    You had me at “capacious pantaloons”. Rowr.

  9. Karen Says:

    Everyone must have something to hate and fear. An enemy, if you will. Now, we hate TEH FATZ and fear becoming them. Our enemy is ourselves. And, like all forms of eugenics, this one will attempt to use science to support itself, and will vehemently deride any attempts of science to disprove it.

    I can’t see that eugenics has ever really gone away, but at least now its trying to hide itself. I’m not sure this is an improvement, but it is movement.

  10. vesta44 Says:

    Personally, I don’t want eugenics to hide itself. I want to know what’s going on with it, what legislation is being presented/passed and what genetic traits they are trying to do away with. The enemy you can see is a lot easier to fight and overcome than the enemy you can’t see but know is out there somewhere trying to get rid of you. As long as people exist, eugenics is going to be around, in one form or another, simply because people fear what is different from themselves (and when this fear is fed by the people in power/people with money to gain off that fear of “other”, it can make the world a dangerous place to be if you are part of that “other”).

  11. meowser Says:

    KATE HARDING LOVES ME! I will never wash this blog again!

    I love YOU, Kate. And all the rest of you guys, too.
    (blubbing)

  12. JeanC Says:

    Well said! I loved “baby flavored churros”, I have GOT to design some baby flavored food stuff for my shop 😀

  13. Charlotte Says:

    I’m choosing this post in which to de-lurk because it is made of awesome. I have friends who are studying psychology who could smack that Kevin guy down with thier awesome psych-knowledge.
    Love the blog! Now I need to go get myself some baby-flavored goodness…

  14. Flamebait « fat fu Says:

    […] Comments Charlotte on The Temperance Union Lives, On…JeanC on The Temperance Union Lives, On…meowser on The Temperance Union Lives, […]

  15. AnnieMcPhee Says:

    I think he’s an “anti-social behavior” student. He’s a dick, either way. And a very poor writer. You’ve blurted out posts in your sleep that were better written than that thing.


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