The Your-Fat-Ass-Is-What’s-Wrong-With-America Gang Rides Again

meowser-48.jpg posted by meowser

I don’t know about you, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen a good fat-people-are-chewing-up-the-world-and-spitting-the-pits-in-babies’-eyes story in the traditional media. I suppose most of them are having too much fun these days blaming the mortgage crisis on poor black and brown people greedily insisting on having their own house keys. (And if you actually do believe that all, or even a visible-to-naked-eye percentage of, those defaulted-upon jumbo loans for jumbo McMansions were actually issued to minimum-wage-earning black and brown people, I have a jumbo planet made out of cheese to sell you. Nothing due on principal for the first year, hurry on in!)

But have no fear, my fellow fatasses, Rolling Stone hasn’t forgotten how bad fat people suck and that we are to blame for everything that’s wrong with America. Whew. In their October 2 issue, there is a story by Matt Taibbi called “The Lies of Sarah Palin” (which wasn’t available online while the issue was on the stands, which is why I waited until now to blog about it). In it, Taibbi speaks of the “four-chinned delegates” and their “turkey-necked companions” who gathered at the Xcel Center in Minneapolis back in August to witness Sarah Palin’s vice-presidential acceptance speech at the Republican Convention and lapped up her every mendacious word like hungry kittehs.

Hm, so that’s how you gross out your readers about Republicans, huh Matt? By saying they’re fat? Because fat equals stupid equals fat equals stupid, on and on into infinity, and everybody knows that — even all your fat readers who just know that for every pound they lose they’ll gain an IQ point to go along with it, which will only be with them for as long as the pound of fat is gone. Yeah, stunningly enough, fat people (dieting or not) actually read your magazine. Or did. I’m perfectly willing not to ever again, though, if having fat readers will just ruin everything for you.

Anyway, Republicans are all fat? Glenn Beck, fatass? Ann Coulter, fatass? Mitt Romney, fatass? Michelle Malkin, fatass? Really? And just how fat are Sarah Palin and John McCain themselves? How is Matt going to scare us to death about them, if the Fat Bat is knocked out of his grimy little paws?

Oh, but no, he doesn’t mean prominent Republicans are fat — he means those dingbat sows at home who are as indiscriminate about what they eat as about what data they lap up. If it comes in a pretty wrapper, they’ll scarf it by the truckload without asking, because that’s what fat people do! Therefore, fat people all love Sarah Palin. Matt just proved it.

How much do you think Matt Taibbi gets paid to write this stuff for RS every month? Ten thousand a month? Fifteen? Twenty? More? You’d think, then, that for that kind of money, there might have been a little bit of, ahem, vision, to go with his invective. The word that kept leaping to mind when I read about his depiction of “Gidget address[ing] the Reichstag” and the eediots Matt is thinner and better than who hung on her every word, was this: Embarrassing. Because Matt, when he filed his story, had no idea that it was even possible for this woman to go up in flames the way she has over the last six weeks. He had no idea that all those Stupid Americans were not as easily led as he thought. But hey, we were fat. And we lived in middle America, far far away from the lovely slender white parts of Manhattan. How was he supposed to know any of us could think?

(Oh, and N.B.: Careerism and wanting to write like Hunter S. Thompson, which Matt Taibbi obviously wants so badly he can smell his frontal lobe molting with desire for it, don’t mix. Because in order to write like Hunter S. Thompson, you have to sink your entire brain into hot Crisco two feet deep until it singes, roll it around in powdered ketamine, then toss it back into the boiling grease and crank it up to 13 until the fire department shows up. And accept the fact that you probably won’t even be able to type your name straight after the age of 40. And…and…yeah.)

Oh, but it gets even better. Later on in the story, there’s this:

Here’s what Sarah Palin represents: being a fat fucking pig who pins “Country First” buttons on his man titties and chants “U-S-A! U-S-A!” at the top of his lungs while his kids live off credit cards and Saudis buy up all the mortgages in Kansas.

Dude. You complain that Sarah Palin is “all caricature” and then you puke up that? I will bet a lifetime supply of the McDonald’s fries you probably secretly love to eat that you are one of those fauxgressives who thinks of Barack Obama as “one of the good black people,” although you’d never be so impolitic as to utter those actual words to your neohipster brethren (though Joe Biden more or less did, and now the poor guy will just have to settle for being vice president). Because I am now going to call out that pair of bent clownshoes for what it really is: Racist, sexist, classist, and ablist.

Yes, that’s right. Racist, sexist, classist and ablist. And don’t give me “but I was talking about a white guy with plenty of money who can move around just fine.” Here is why. What you are saying, by putting down this mythic dude whose politics you don’t care for as “fat,” is that he does not appear white (i.e. classically chiseled from head to toe in keeping with White Anglo-Saxon Protestant appearance standards) or male (i.e. strong, tough, able, hardworking breadwinner) enough for your personal yuppie aesthetics. Like all fat-haters, you have taken a bunch of human properties socially engineered to be squirm-inducing — non-WASPiness, non-ableness, non-youthfulness, non-affluentness, and non-gender-binaryness — smooshed them all up into a ball with manboobs, and rationalized all the squirming by deciding on the basis of evidence flimsier than a Charmin airplane that he did it to himself, and thus it’s absolutely fine to declare open season. Therefore? CLOWNSHOES. (Oh, and just as an aside? It really does not matter if Matt Taibbi himself is a WASP or not. If only WASPs bought into WASP behavior and appearance standards, those standards would be deader than Heil Honey, I’m Home!.)

And here’s the fauxgressive twist to all this fathatebaggery, which I’ve been around enough leftish Web sites to witness over the years, which is this: It’s okay to make fun of fat people you don’t like, but it’s not okay to make fun of fat people you do like. In other words, Ralph Nader calling Michael Moore a giant beach ball is unkosher, but John Kerry calling Rush Limbaugh “doughy” (or yes, Al Franken writing a entire bestselling book whose title refers to Limbaugh’s avoirdupois, although that was over a decade ago) is just rockin’, because no reasonable person likes Limbaugh anyway. They do not see that by insulting Rush Limbaugh for being fat, they are also insulting Michael Moore. Because by doing so, you are (whether you intend to or not) folding your arms and demanding that Moore prove he’s better, smarter, more sensitive and aware, etc., than your average fatass at the Republican convention. A thin guy doesn’t have to supply that extra proof that he’s okay, that’s implicit until he proves otherwise. See? That’s what’s wrong with America, and for that matter, with most of the rest of the planet, Matt. People thinking they know someone just from looking at them.

Here’s the thing. I have not actually seen a full-body image of Rush Limbaugh in many years. Nor do I care to. Rush Limbaugh is a festering projectile hatezit crying out for moral Accutane. His words repulse me enough; I do not give a simpering fuck if today, right this second, he looks like Jeff Bridges or like Jar Jar Binks or, for that matter, exactly like me. (Wouldn’t that be a kick in the head. I really really hope not, though.) Mostly, though, putting down someone’s looks as shorthand for their rotten ideas is just plain lazy, and isn’t laziness one of the things the Matt Taibbis of the world allegedly despise us for?

Or, as Melissa McEwan once put it in her brilliant piece about Ann Coulter and the unfelicitousness of all the Coulter-is-a-tranny putdowns:

Ann Coulter is the high priestess of screeching hyperbole, whose natural habitat is the nearest studio chair on a right-wing cable hatefest, from whence she spews her bile-rich nuggets of insane vitriol like a mama bird projectile vomiting chunks of hate fuel to nourish her repellent babies, as they sit, gape-mouthed and wanting, waiting for their vile supper on couches in front of tellies across the nation so they may ever stay plump with outrage. And not only is she a monstrous font of diarrheic vitriol who disgorges a continual torrent of loathsome rhetoric to poison the public discourse; the frequency with which she manages to emit accurate (and original) assertions is approximate to photographic evidence of unicorns. She is as devoid of facts as she is of kindness and compassion. I’ve heard more astute political observations from a pile of day-old puke—and it didn’t have to plagiarize, either.

And you expect me to care about her oversized forehead? Seriously?

Now, someone tell me why Liss isn’t the one making five figures a month writing for Rolling Stone. I’ll be in the living room I don’t own, hunched over my voter pamphlet.

Posted in etc.. 17 Comments »

17 Responses to “The Your-Fat-Ass-Is-What’s-Wrong-With-America Gang Rides Again”

  1. OlderThanDirt Says:

    Actually, I think RS could use you too. Thanks, this was great.

  2. goodbyemyboy Says:

    Mostly, though, putting down someone’s looks as shorthand for their rotten ideas is just plain lazy, and isn’t laziness one of the things the Matt Taibbis of the world allegedly despise us for?

    Yes! Thank you.

  3. Bree Says:

    The problem with Rolling Stone and their writers is that they are trying too hard to be edgy when they forgot they lost their edge years ago after putting Britney Spears and Tinky-Winky on their cover back in 1997.

    Writers who aren’t that talented will always resort to insulting groups of people to get their point across—these days, it just happens to be teh fatties.

    Matt, I think you should quit your day job and sell hot dogs on the street.

  4. buttercup Says:

    Fantastic. You said what I could not articulate after reading that article. I hope you sent a copy to Taibbi and Rolling Stone.

  5. Elizabeth Says:

    THIS should be in Rolling Stone. Or maybe the New Yorker.

  6. integgy Says:

    Fabulous piece of writing, Meowser. I keep hoping I’m going to have something better to say about it pop into my head, but ‘fabulous’ seems to be all that comes to mind.

  7. O.C. Says:

    Thank you for writing this, Meowser! That article pissed me off severely, but I just didn’t get around to doing anything about it. Thank you for doing it for me. Really.

  8. Melissa McEwan Says:

    Awesome piece, Meowser. I love a good rant, and that was a damn good rant, grrl.

    Now, someone tell me why Liss isn’t the one making five figures a month writing for Rolling Stone.

    Maybe it’s because I trash Matt Taibbi, too, lol. Thanks very much for the vote of confidence, though. 🙂

  9. Becky Says:

    I think this is definately a case where “fat” is a stand in for “working class”. Fauxgressives are finally starting to figure out that openly displaying their contempt for working class people is bad for their cause because it allows Republicans to paint them and all Democrats with the “liberal elitist” label, so they bash on the fatties instead. But it’s very clear from context what they really mean.

  10. spacedcowgirl Says:

    I agree 100% with Becky. And this is an awesome post. Maybe if “progressives” like this keep getting called on their fat hatred, they will slo-o-o-o-wly start to understand why it is actually anti-progressive.

  11. spacedcowgirl Says:

    To be more specific, I think Becky is a total genius for noting that coding “anti-working-class” or “anti-poor” as “anti-fat” is an attempt to fly under the “liberal elitist” radar. I never thought of it exactly that way before.

  12. meowser Says:

    Holly holy, Liss, that piece of Taibbi’s that you linked to in your post is truly disgusting. He’s even worse than I thought. And that other piece of his you referenced about how awful it is that everyone who’s not a thin, straight or straight-acting white(ish) guy or thin, subservient white(ish) girl won’t just keep out of the “left” before we ruin it for everybody? I’m glad he’s decided that there are so few of us “freaks” that he doesn’t need our votes to keep cryptofascism from taking over for good. Barack Obama might feel otherwise.

    And yeah, Becky, good call! Taibbi is one of those yupfucks who claims to be all about Caring Deeply About the Working Man, but wants those guys to look properly lean and hungry and not exhibit a shred of what he considers to be Bad Taste, so he can continue to romanticize them. Rubbervomit.

  13. Sniper Says:

    Beautifully done, Meowser! Your rants are always worthy bronzing – or wider publication.

  14. daisydeadhead Says:

    I’ve just linked your blog, I need you in my life! I read that Taibbi piece, and those quotes sorta went right by me. Not that I didn’t notice the hateful speech, but I am simply accustomed to that stuff. It’s like, well, OF COURSE they say that… Taibbi was probably one of those guys in college who had a “no fat chicks” bumper sticker on his car.

    But here it is: I shouldn’t be so accustomed that in effect, this familiarity turns into tolerance. And you reminded me of that fact.

    Thanks for your work.

  15. Meowser Says:

    Squee! I made Daisy’s blogroll!

    Thanks so much, everybody, for all your kindness and support!

  16. Lori Says:

    Wouldn’t you interpret “turkey-necked” as “old and skinny”, though? Seems like this Matt is an all-purpose hater.

  17. The Hidden Virtues of Superficial Lip Service « fat fu Says:

    […] movements wouldn’t still exist. I haven’t changed my mind about fat hate being a repository for all kinds of prejudice people feel they need to talk in code […]

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