More Fatasspie Stuff

meowser-48.jpg posted by meowser

Posting has been kind of light around here because I spent most of last week writing a huge sprawling epic (over 7000 words, or a little under three times as long as the longest post I’ve ever put up here) about Asperger syndrome and how the diagnosis changed my thinking about….well, everything, pretty much, but especially the degree to which I had internalized “normalcy fetishism” and used it as a club to beat myself about the head. And Liss put it up on Shakesville on Tuesday, in its huge sprawling entirety! And people actually read it! More than the three I would have expected to get through the whole thing.

And it’s a tribute to the kind of community Liss and company have built over there that I’ve had over 160 comments on that piece excluding my responses, and not a single commenter was abusive or nasty, even though the entire piece was very pro-neurodiversity. Maybe they’re just ace trollzappers and I never saw any of the nasty ones, but in any case, it was all very gratifying. I could feel a few minds changing, and boy, that was exciting. If you don’t have time or inclination to read it, I totally understand, it is quite the river of verbiage. But I thought I’d pull one paragraph and talk about it here a little bit, because it’s about fat:

And there’s nothing like being on the autism spectrum to remind a fatasspie that all this “last socially acceptable prejudice” stuff WRT fat really is bunkum. There is no such thing as someone who loves and respects every kind of person in the world and draws the line only at fat people, because fat means something to the hater. And what it usually means is, “we can accept people being a little different from the WASPy/able-bodied/standard-brained/sexually binary/male-identified/upper-caste/heterosexual/monogamous/youngish norm (am I leaving anything out?)…but not that different. Not different enough to make us squirm.”

I actually think being aspie made it really easy — possibly unusually easy — for me to embrace fat acceptance when I first encountered it circa 1996. Even if I didn’t know then that I was aspie yet, I still instinctively knew that being thin would never make me “normal,” would never get me invited to all the cool parties (or any of the cool parties I wasn’t invited to as a fatass, really), would never make me socially acceptable, would never make me feel like the members of my peer group of “choice,” even if my peer group consisted of other “outsiders.” I had been much thinner, and none of that had ever come close to happening to me. So I had long since let go of that part of the FOBT, since I knew it wasn’t happening. I just didn’t know why yet, exactly, and wouldn’t until I found out about the Asperger’s.

I’m also starting to realize that being aspie is one potential reason I haven’t gotten anywhere close to the rations of shit that other fat white women have reported. Some shit, yes, but there are women my size and even smaller who have been subject to far greater abuse because of their weight than I have. I used to think it was some kind of flukish accident…but who knows, maybe it isn’t. If I’m aspie, I’ve already flunked White Womanhood, in the sense that I’m not going to live up to most people’s expectations of how white women are “supposed” to think and react no matter what weight I am, so why bother giving me a hard time about it? As it is with age removing me for good from the wolf-meat category, and thus not attracting anywhere near the amount of panting commentary from strange men that I used to get (and I don’t miss it, believe me), male-identified people are going to be roughest on you if they can convince themselves that if you just did things “right” (like diet your brains out), you’d be attractive and appealing enough as a white chick for them to want you around — as a friend, lover, employee, client, whatever. If you are too old, or too odd (or other too-something-elses I’ve not experienced) for that to be happening anyway, your fat ass is less likely to register with them; they’re going to notice the other “too whatevers” about you first. Privilege sometimes runs on a weird-ass track, let me tell you.

And I’m going to say something here that might surprise some of you. If you asked me which has stigmatized me more, being fat or being aspie, I’m going to say that overall, being aspie has, because it’s been there every minute of my life and impacted every minute of my life whether I was fat, thin, or in between. And if I contracted a wasting illness in my old age that cost me a bunch of weight, enough to make me “normal size,” aspiedom would still be with me. You might ask, then, well, why is she blogging about fat if she thinks that?

And it’s a good question. I started blogging here before I got my diagnosis, but it’s kind of an interesting deal that I knew I was fat when I was 8, but didn’t know I was aspie until I was 44. You just don’t hear about autism-spectrum issues with the relentless frequency and intensity that you hear about fat, fat, fatfatfat, from every blithering corner of the planet. Every goddamn magazine and newspaper and anywhere else they sell advertising isn’t plastered with ads about “how to get rid of your Asperger’s.” Television isn’t littered all frigging day long with “here’s how I became neurotypical and so can you if you try hard enough” stories. (“How I made my kid NT” stories are another deal, of course, but even they haven’t attained wallpaper status, not yet.) The autism-related issues are mostly kind of buried, underneath the surface, hidden in the matrix of human interactions and behavior. I’ve never once had anyone say to me, “I don’t want you around because you’re aspie” or anything even remotely like it; it was always more like, “God, but you’re strange, I can’t figure it out.” Fat was something I couldn’t help but know about; you’d have to literally be raised by wolves without electricity not to, and kids are getting the message these days even younger than I did. People on the autism spectrum are often blamed for not trying hard enough to pass for NT, but not so much for not actually becoming NT. Big difference.

But getting thin, as far as I’m concerned, is just another form of “passing.” Just because you can temporarily force your body to look like that of someone who maintains a much smaller size eating and exercising more like the way you used to than the way you do now that you have to frigging starve, doesn’t make you biologically all that much like that thinner person. Straining to force your weight down is very, very different from being a lower weight naturally (or even attaining a lower weight simply by eating in a way that works better for your body), and it boggles my mind that fat people are actually expected to live that way if they want full personhood. And probably the fact that my aspieness makes physical discomfort magnified about tenfold just makes me dig in my heels even more about wanting to prevent as much of it as possible for as long as possible.

Furthermore, I’m sure that if they really did come up with a special diet that rendered non-NT people temporarily NT, kinda Flowers for Algernon-style, and achieved temporary but dramatic results for millions of us, they’d start shoving it down autistic people’s throats too, and getting pissed and resentful at us for refusing it. Don’t you want to be normal? What’s the matter with you? What’s that old proverb again? “The only thing worse than missing paradise is a short trip through it.” Even if it really WAS all that and a travel mug of Super Sauce to be “normal,” which I don’t believe anyway, wouldn’t losing your supply of Super Sauce just feel that much worse than never having had it in the first place? When you’re starving, you don’t sit there and sigh with happiness thinking about the most awesome meal you ever had, do you? If you’re desperately lonely, you don’t sit around smiling about when you were voted Homecoming Queen all those years ago, right? Of course not. That runs counter to every instinct we have. So why would I want to knock myself out, risk what’s left of my physical and mental health, trying to get my fingers on something that’s just going to slip through my grasp anyway? That just sounds kinda…dopey. At least it does to my admittedly unusually-wired noggin.

Brain difference, body difference. Body difference, brain difference. It all kinda works together, doesn’t it?

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27 Responses to “More Fatasspie Stuff”

  1. lilacsigil Says:

    Go you! I completely agree about the constant “fatfatfat” that is heard everywhere, so I wonder if that’s why people think “fat is the last acceptable prejudice” – they mean “fat is a prejudice that impacts me, a person who fits in, in every other way.”

    I’ve had depression for many years (I am one of the fortunate people who can manage it with medication), and I wonder if that’s helped me with the fat thing – like you, I’ve never really had much trouble with direct abuse because of my weight, except in my immediate family and with medical professionals. People don’t abuse me in public, I was never bullied at school, I’ve never been physically attacked or threatened, and I wonder if a good proportion of that is that I either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

  2. Kat Says:

    Haven’t been over to read your article, but I will. SO glad you are writing more AS stuff. I’ve been waiting!

    I’d never heard of AS until I read this blog…so a big thank you that I now know what is “wrong” with me….and I’m 48. Wish I’d known decades ago. I have no formal diagnosis, but after reading ” John Elder Robson’s “Look Me in the Eye”…specifically chapter 20…I KNEW!! Yep. That’s me to a T.

    Still coming to terms with the AS. I’ve been dealing with the FAT issue since 3rd grade. Neither are easy.

    Hope you keep writing about AS!

  3. lilacsigil Says:

    Also! I really like the term “fatasspie”! It sounds like tasty goodness.

  4. Rachel Says:

    I completely agree about the constant “fatfatfat” that is heard everywhere, so I wonder if that’s why people think “fat is the last acceptable prejudice” – they mean “fat is a prejudice that impacts me, a person who fits in, in every other way.”

    Good point. I also think many people tend to think of fat discrimination as one of and/or the *last* acceptable prejudice(s) because it is one of the few -isms that do not have laws specifically prohibiting it (Mass. and other isolated regions excluded). Federal statutes prohibit discrimination in employment and public housing based on race, color, religion, sex and national origin, but fat people are fair game.

  5. Kat Says:

    Excellent article…and yes, I read it all!

    I was a tomboy and never “mothered” my dolls. I had them jumping off things and doing adventures. I collected rocks and liked knives. I banged my head against the wall as a toddler. Mom said it was tantrums.

    I don’t like to make eye contact but know I’m supposed to so I do that stare thing. I make eye contact for TOO long because I don’t really know how to judge the “right” amount of time. I realize I’m staring so I jerk my eyes away. I relaize THAT lprobably ooked wierd so I make eye contact again…and so it goes. I make folks SOooooo uncomfortable. Plus, I get so nervous about the whole thing I start sweating. When you are nervous and sweaty people think you are up to something…like stealing.

    You know, we all want to be accepted. I might be an aspie, but I know when I’m not liked, wanted, and am being rejected. Rejection hurts no matter who you are. We are pack animals. It hurts when the pack turns on you…for whatever reason.

  6. Lindsay Says:

    When I first came across your post, I thought it had something to do with pie. 🙂

    This is such a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing and I’m glad I was able to read it.

  7. Emerald Says:

    Meowser, that article is amazing. Thank you for this.

    I’m in the process of accepting the fact that I think I may have AS. I’m 40 years old. For years it didn’t connect for me because I didn’t, as you mention, show the typical set of looked-for ‘boy’ symptoms, yet I check most of the stuff you had on your list…and when I took the Baron-Cohen test, I scored a 36. I haven’t yet sought official diagnosis for two reasons: one, I’ve heard horror stories about how hard it is to get an adult AS diagnosis in the UK, and two, I wonder what it would achieve anyway. Already have depression on my employment record, and while disability laws are followed to the letter by my current employer, I don’t know about the future.

    This thought struck me:
    (That’s what I like about tighty-righties — they admit that they think you’re fouling their air.)

    Ugh…not nice to admit, but true. My mother was about as tactful in her constant wish for me to be a ‘normal girl’ (i.e. pretty-pretty and obsessed with getting on socially) as some of the mothers in your article there. But the younger members of my family skirt round whether there’s actually anything unusual about me or not (the best one was by far that when I asked my SIL to describe me as a child, she said I was the ‘typical child of older parents’!). This sometimes feels very uncomfortable. I’d really rather be accepted or not than fall into that grey area where I’m not sure.

  8. bigliberty Says:

    Hi Meowser,

    “I’m also starting to realize that being aspie is one potential reason I haven’t gotten anywhere close to the rations of shit that other fat white women have reported. Some shit, yes, but there are women my size and even smaller who have been subject to far greater abuse because of their weight than I have.”

    Yes. This. SO this.

    I’ve never felt part of the neurotypical white woman thing either. As far as my memory goes back, I didn’t fit. I just kind of *knew* I was different, and though sometimes it was frustrating, I also had a weird sense of pride in it. I was lucky enough to get some genetically-endowed talents that the AS really magnified (music, art, writing, science), so I could just “disappear” into my world of talents and fantasy kingdoms and leave them behind, quite blissfully.

    As a neurotypical white woman, I seemed to be “doing it wrong” at every step. In high school and college I didn’t gossip, or shop with the girls, or talk about boys (I did this a bit, but not ceaselessly), or join various women’s sports and teams and clubs. When I dated, I didn’t date the “tall, dark stranger (tanned-but-fair skin, black hair, strong chin, blue eyes)”, but when for the ghostly-white guy a foot shorter than me because he and I had the most amazing discussions about physics and philosophy, the shortish guys with brown skin for similar reasons (one was math and business, the other was math and poetry), and washed-out ghostly-white guy twice my age because of sci fi, politics, music, and because he’s prolly another aspie if you ask me 😉 <– this one I’m marrying next month, woo-hoo!

    So yes — I think my lack of typical white woman behavior, but also plain typical woman behavior. For instance, I feel really out of place in the Fatosphere, and not just because of my politics. Sometimes I want to comment on Kate’s site but the number of comments, and the close interactions, really really overwhelm me, while it seems a lot of neurotypical women really thrive on that kind of closeness.

    So while navigating this swirly world of alienation with respect to gender, fatness — why, it was just another reason I EPIC FAILED at being the neurotypical white woman. I couldn’t handle a close-knit group of girlfriends and complex relationships with men, so why the heck would I be able to look the way I was supposed to, as well? Of course I tried, and ended up in eating-disorder land…but it wasn’t surprising, since I couldn’t get anything else in order with respect to my female body, right? (is what I thought)

    Anyway, thanks for this post. I really enjoy when you talk about the intersection of fat and AS. I’ve been shying away from personal stuff on my blog as of late, but I really should talk about it at some point…it’s just that I haven’t “come out of the closet” about AS in any strong way. It’s one of those things if I bring it up to my family they’ll thing, “Oh yes, now there’s a convenient excuse for being anti-social and weird.” Sigh.

  9. Meowser Says:

    Thanks, everybody! Yeah, I have the feeling that’s not the last you’ve heard about me and AS, and I’m tickled that people want to hear what I have to say about it.

    Rachel, did that Massachusetts law actually pass? I know they had hearings on it last year, but I have been unable to find any information on its status. (Michigan has an anti-height and weight discrimination law on its books, though.)

  10. Rachel Says:

    I thought it had Meowser, but I’m not sure. I’ll send a note to Peggy Howell at NAAFA; she should know.

  11. Jen Says:

    I’ve always wondered if there was something not right about my brain as I’ve been teased a few times about being a closet autistic and things like that. I scored a 31 on the Cohen test; can anyone tell me what that means? Google is being unhelpful.

    Like other commentors I don’t think I’ve been a NT female my whole life…

  12. Tiana Says:

    I’m definitely going to read that. AS has been a special interest of mine ever since someone tentatively suspected I might have it, and although I’m still not sure if that’s true or not, I can definitely identify with some aspects.

    Also, BL said, “Sometimes I want to comment on Kate’s site but the number of comments, and the close interactions, really really overwhelm me, while it seems a lot of neurotypical women really thrive on that kind of closeness.” I know, right??? Sometimes I actually follow those comment threads no matter how long they get, but I have no idea how people manage to do that on a regular basis.

  13. Becky Says:

    I still instinctively knew that being thin would never make me “normal,” would never get me invited to all the cool parties (or any of the cool parties I wasn’t invited to as a fatass, really), would never make me socially acceptable, would never make me feel like the members of my peer group of “choice,”

    I’m not Aspie, but I am spacey and weird, and yes. In my case, I was thin until I was 20 or so, and I certainly wasn’t normal and never felt socially acceptable or like I fit in. So I never developed that part of the FOBT either.

    I really enjoyed your post on Shakesville (I love big sprawling epics!) Thanks for sharing your experience.

  14. Bilt4Cmfrt Says:

    This.

    “People on the autism spectrum are often blamed for not trying hard enough to pass for NT, but not so much for not actually becoming NT. Big difference.”

    Just. . . *CLICK* Ya know, you never fail to turn things, at least, 90 degrease on one unexpected axis or another and then say- ‘Look! See? Different.’ You Rock.

  15. Maureen Says:

    As yet another person who took the Baron-Cohen test and got a disconcertingly high score, what genius came up with the name “Asperger’s Syndrome”? Yes, I realize that a Dr. Asperger discovered the condition, but don’t the socially impaired have enough to deal with?

  16. wellroundedtype2 Says:

    I finally had some time to sit and read, so I sat and read your post and most of the comments at Shakesville.
    Wow.
    I realized that while I’m very NT, I have a painful amount of empathy and generally have enjoyed being friends with women who were probably Aspie and was sometimes ostricized for being friends with them, or told that if I were hanging out with them, the other NT friends wouldn’t want us there. Nothing compared to the pain of being ostracized for being Aspie, but gave me pause, I’m ashamed to say.
    These days, I have no need for all of my friends to exist in the same circles, so it’s fine to have friends who may choose to be one on one or in groups of just a few.
    I like you. I really like you. As a friend, I really like you just as you are. True, we haven’t hung out a whole lot, but there are so many things about you that I think are great.
    I also have to come to terms with the fact that Mr. Rounded is not-NT.

  17. wellroundedtype2 Says:

    Oh, and by “come to terms with” — I mean I need to adjust my thinking and accept rather than try to change.

  18. Meowser Says:

    Tiana, I always kind of thought being aspie was what made me just get all the more curious to read a thread with a huge number of comments on it. Even more so, though, if it looks like a real flamefest, the kind they’ve rarely had on SP. “So what do you do in your spare time, Meowser?” “I read 800-comment blogwar threads.” “Oh.” But, I guess, different obsessions for different aspies.

    Again, thanks so much, everybody! WRT2, definitely same for you, and I look forward to you coming down here! (And kind of fucked that that “I’m not going to hang around if SHE’S there” crap has to persist into adulthood. It’s one thing if we’re talking about someone who’s abusive or violent, but it’s rarely that.)

  19. Deeleigh Says:

    I just wanted to chime in and say that I really seem to like aspies. A lot of people who I respect online: Meowser, you and you, Bigliberty, for example, turn out to have Asperger’s.

    Aspies seem to be analytical and independent thinkers, and I’m the same way. I like to organize data and collections, and Meowser, what you said about touching things really hit me hard. I do that. That feeling of always being on the outside; of making other people uncomfortable – I can relate to that too. I’ve also got a weird inability to navigate social hierarchies.

    But, I can read people really well when I pay attention, and I’m good at small talk and at connecting with strangers.

    I took the Baron-Cohen and scored a 27 the first time, a 22 with my husband looking over my shoulder and telling me what he thinks I’m like. I think that translates to “big geek.” 😀

  20. Lindsay Says:

    Meowser and Big Liberty, yes, I’ve had very similar thoughts about my autism protecting me from some of the more annoying parts of middle-class white womanhood.

    I have never experienced social pressure to date, to look or act a certain way, or to be a certain size. Once it started to dawn on me that this was unusual, and that most girls experienced a *LOT* of pressure in those areas, I hypothesized that maybe the forms of pressure that so oppressed them were undetectable to me. That, and maybe also I moved exclusively in circles where everyone was too weird to care about any of that stuff.

    Tiana, sometimes the intricacies of Shapely Prose comment threads baffle me, too.

    (I took the AQ test just now, having taken it before a long time ago but failing to remember my score. I got a 36, which it calls “extreme.” I am diagnosed with PDD-NOS).

  21. bigliberty Says:

    “Tiana, I always kind of thought being aspie was what made me just get all the more curious to read a thread with a huge number of comments on it. Even more so, though, if it looks like a real flamefest, the kind they’ve rarely had on SP. “So what do you do in your spare time, Meowser?” “I read 800-comment blogwar threads.” “Oh.” But, I guess, different obsessions for different aspies.”

    Meowser, I LOVE reading those threads. I really do. It’s when I try to comment on them myself I get really overwhelmed. But yes, it’s not unusual that during my lunch break I’ll pull up a SP thread and periodically read through the comments the rest of the day (even on the dang train — I’ll just keep the page up. It’s better than a newspaper!).

    Of course, my foot-in-mouth syndrome also makes it hard for me to comment on Fatosphere sites sometimes, because I know I’ve lodged my foot so far up in there from various things I’ve commented on that I pretty much have turned into a chronic lurker. 😛

    “I have never experienced social pressure to date, to look or act a certain way, or to be a certain size. Once it started to dawn on me that this was unusual, and that most girls experienced a *LOT* of pressure in those areas, I hypothesized that maybe the forms of pressure that so oppressed them were undetectable to me. That, and maybe also I moved exclusively in circles where everyone was too weird to care about any of that stuff.”

    Lindsay, I get this thoroughly. In middle school I was bewildered when I started getting ostracized because of my size — I just figured this was the way the world “was” and found people who didn’t care how I looked. I didn’t like being called names and having things written on my locker, and getting disdainful sighs from the PE teacher — even though I was an aspie it’s not like I couldn’t see or hear blatant insults — but I think the undercurrent of what was going on was something I missed, while other girls my age were getting swept up by it.

    In high school my anorexia was a form of self-harm; I couldn’t fit in, so getting thin wasn’t about fitting in, it was about punishing myself for being such a “screw up” (as I used to put it). This was from the A-student in band, choir, debate club, and plays — I was the screw up! I also come from a long line of perfectionists, so perhaps that’s why. My fat, my social incompetence, were just manifestations (in my eyes) of how no matter how hard I tried, I was fundamentally “flawed.”

    Even today (it hasn’t been that long…eight years from high schooL) I still battle with the “I’m a screw up” mentality. And it hasn’t helped that in the interim I’ve been abused physically and psychologically to the point where I’ve developed PTSD. Dealing with PTSD — which itself makes one feel alienated, strange, and broken — is not helped by my inability to build a support network with NTs (or other aspies). I always do something to “screw up” friendships I generate, so now I just play it safe and don’t let myself get close to anyone. I think I sometimes sabotage relationships on purpose – so that I don’t get too close (that’s the PTSD and prior abuse coming through — I don’t want to get hurt again).

    Fat has only, of course, pushed me even further into the category of social outcast. And being a libertarian in an activist community has as well. But I *can’t* just give up — I *can’t* just let it overwhelm me and quit it all. Believe me, it’s tempting! I think that’s why I was always so attracted to Thoreau’s Walden… a tiny cabin by a still lake in the middle of nowhere, interacting with no one, with only your writing to keep you company? Sign me up! …some days. Other days, I want to be close to my family and make new friends (and cherish old ones). Aspies aren’t anti-social on purpose. It’s coping mechanism. I always felt compelled to be VERY social, in fact. But then I’d get hurt, or jam my foot in my mouth, etc. I wonder if I’ll ever figure out how to break the cycle? Do any of the other people on the spectrum here know what I’m talking about?? 😛

  22. wellroundedtype2 Says:

    I’m not an Aspie, but I’ve had several friends who are. I am completely able to overlook/forgive the “foot in mouth” or difficulty picking up on social cues. I love independent thinking and good friendship and intelligence and humor more than anything else.
    What bothers me are people who require others to be “normal” or “acceptable” in order to be friends with them. So, sign me up as a Aspie-positive person/ally. I’m sure I’ll make NT mistakes along the way, which I hope you all will forgive.
    BigLiberty, I encourage you to seek out others who are like me — accepting and able to cherish your amazing qualities.
    For me, it’s taken a long time to trust that a woman who isn’t fat could be trusted as a friend, but I’m starting to be more open.

  23. meowser Says:

    BL, I think pretty much everyone, NTs included, has tasted their own toes while blogging or commenting, unless they are very infrequent bloggers/commenters. If it helps to know this, I made a complete ass of myself on Feministe about a year ago, and it took until about 2 weeks ago before I felt like I could make any substantive comments there again.

    One bad habit I’m trying to break, though, is drive-bys, especially when I’m posting something that could be controversial. I’ve been known to just “chuck grenades and run,” and that’s not really fair. If I have a substantive argument to make, I should be able to stand my ground if someone argues back. I suppose it’s a way of guarding myself against meltdown — if they argue with me I’ll DIE! — but really, I won’t, that’s just silly. It’s an argument, not a freakin’ duel in the sun.

    And about the meatspace stuff, I always have to remind myself that NT people have screwy interpersonal shit going on too. It’s not like they “have it all figured out” and I don’t. Most NTs don’t especially like each other either, other than a few people they’re close to. They’re just able to put on a better show of pretending otherwise than we are. And some of them get really tired of that shit, and might actually find our lack of participation in it rather refreshing. (WRT2, you rule.)

    It would have helped immeasurably if I’d known when I was a kid that there were three kinds of people: those who get you right away, those who will get you if you explain yourself to them, and those who won’t get you no matter what you do. And that people in the last category need to be bothered with as little as possible, unless they’re going out of their way to screw with you and therefore you need to defend yourself against them. The trick is to figure out who’s a category 2 and who’s a category 3. Me, I grew up thinking I had to make everybody like me. Boy, did that ever fuck me up.

  24. bigliberty Says:

    “It would have helped immeasurably if I’d known when I was a kid that there were three kinds of people: those who get you right away, those who will get you if you explain yourself to them, and those who won’t get you no matter what you do.”

    Hey, you’re RIGHT. What a neat way of doing it…I always figured that if I could explain myself the right way, in a way someone could understand (which frequently eluded me). That is, the problem was always with me, with my incomplete knowledge of their perception of the world.

    Thanks, I think I’ve been learning how to rein it back. Something that worked well, as a start, was to “draw the line” with some people (family and friends, in particular). That is, there would be certain topics we wouldn’t talk about, kind of knowing ahead of time we’d disagree completely (my dad re: politics is one 😉 ).

  25. Tiana Says:

    I just discovered this among my Watch For Comments bookmarks, where I apparently overlooked it for a few days. Oops. I’d like to correct myself because I actually love reading long comment threads as well, especially the bad ones! And I have no idea why. “Reading 800-comment blogwar threads” as a hobby, LOL. I can relate to that. Another thing I do frequently is contradict myself. 😉 What I was really trying to say was that I, just as BL, have trouble participating. I do comment from time to time, but not … like the others. I can’t really explain the difference.

  26. bigliberty Says:

    Yeah, it’s a bizarre thing. I just participated in Kate’s F United thread, and I can’t tell you what kind of energy it took for me to just keep a tally of what I’d written and who’d responded, and what new responses I’d like to comment on, and so forth. I’m glad I did — it takes a lot for me to jump in, but the growing tendency of airlines towards smaller seats and larger fares (now accompanied by genuinely discriminatory policies against an easy scapegoat), especially considering I could be put in jeopardy with respect to my job if I am singled out (not to mention humiliated and set back in therapy), is too ridiculous not to comment on. So I braved the maelstrom, and it was worth it.

    But yes, those moments will be few and far in between!


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